I was always a very sensitive, intuitive child but since my Spiritual Emergency in 1998 my system has been even more sensitive with multiple enhanced senses making every day both intense and magical. As deeper levels of my healing and spiritual transformation have continued over the years I would say some things have got easier and others harder.
There seems to be a myth floating around in the spiritual world that one day when you are awake and enlightened everything will be perfect and heavenly, you won’t feel any pain or ‘negative’ emotions and everything will be love and sparkles. Equally there seems to be a subtle judgement that if you are reeling from a real life challenge or experiencing ill health then you must be doing your spirituality the wrong way, are out of the vortex, using the wrong tools, disconnected from Source or far from God.
If my awakening process had been blissful or even relatively gradual or pleasant I think I might carry that judgement too. However, intuitively this view just feels so damaging.
My spiritual transformation process has been a toughie. My physical sensitivity and symptoms over the years have largely kept me grounded and from rushing ahead too fast. It seems I was to experience a little taste of every kind of suffering, maybe so I could empathise with most people and judge few? It’s a work in progress. But most of all my deep learning has been to not judge suffering, pain or feelings themselves as a sign of a person doing something wrong. It simply isn’t very helpful.
Maybe I have come to that conclusion because I have had a lot of challenges and don’t want to be seen as a spiritual ‘failure’ because of it. I cry freely and regularly, experience things deeply and don’t feel very zen-like at all so perhaps I am just trying to convince myself that I am just as spiritually worthy as all those apparently super-composed spiritual teachers out there.
Who knows?
Actually what I do know is that I know what I know and I feel what I feel. Comparing yourself with others or some arbitrary external spiritual standard is just exhausting. I have an intensely deep relationship with the Source of all life and a keen grasp of the language of energy that runs through existence. That isn’t boasting, it’s fact. Another fact is that along the way my body has been the barometer of my transformation and right now it is kicking off and I am feeling a LOT.
After using all my own tools and spiritual practices I was not feeling any better. I realised I am in another deep growth and transformation phase and my body is feeling it. The message? Take it easy and allow the process. Get help and support, stop trying to do all this alone. Take time to align your lifestyle with the new you that is emerging. Take time to adjust your outer life so it can come into synch with the higher frequency inner energies that are flooding your system.
What, not ANOTHER new me?
Of course. Because there is always more. While I am alive I will be growing and so will you.
OK. So I contacted my nutritionist friend and I saw the doctor. I was given a whole shopping list of labels to play with; Chronic Fatigue, Adrenal Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, IBS etc etc. All the conditions that no doctor fully understands but sees a lot of. It has taken me years to see medicine as a blessing and I’m getting there. I appreciate the labels because it gives me something to work with. I know it’s all energy, but it’s energy manifesting as very real and debilitating symptoms in my body that are affecting my life so I am not going to sit on a cloud and try to meditate it away. Not this time.
I am letting go into the feelings, breathing and allowing but my lesson is also to really accept, celebrate and nurture my physicality not deny it or judge it as somehow being less spiritual.
The best thing I have done for myself and my well-being for a long time is to follow my intuition right to a lady called Stacy Vajta. She is a gifted energy intuitive and healer. I had my first session a few days ago and it was AMAZING. It felt so good to surrender control to someone I could trust, who worked in a similar way to me and was far more experienced.
It was also a relief to work with someone who holds both the higher perspective of me as a being of energy and light but also a very grounded view of my needing to embody that light in a very earthed way. Right up my street! I’ve been hearing a mantra daily for the last few years: “We are here to ground the light” so the way Stacy works sings right into my heart.
She has already helped me to realise that because I’ve been doing so much work with Source my wires are a bit overloaded. It is basically ‘light fatigue’ and I need help recalibrating and upgrading my inner wiring to cope with the increase in light. You really can have too much of a good thing it seems. Quite simply I need to do more of what I am always teaching others to do…GROUND!
For me however Stacy suggested I need to anchor myself in the new Earth energies. Just as each of us is rising in vibration as we move through spiritual transformation so too is the earthy flesh of our planet and I need to link into that crystalline web consciously and more often. I’m embarrassed to say that I was taking it for granted that in doing my normal grounding I must be already doing this. Apparently not and my body has been struggling as a result. All it took was a few little tweaks during the healing session (done remotely via Skype by the way!) and a new coating on my energy wiring so I can stream the light without getting fried and I was good to go. I felt the shift instantly.
My homework? To consciously link into the new earth energies each day using my intention, imagination, visualisation or whatever other way feels good.
I immediately knew I had to sketch a quick energy ‘device’. As an energy artist I don’t create art for what it looks like so much but for how it feels and how it expresses and influences energy. So I grabbed some pastels for speed and got the basics of what I needed to anchor me into the new Earth energy grid. You can see the very rough image below. I expect I’ll add to it over the coming weeks but I wanted to share that first raw ‘channelling’ with you. I am meditating with it, standing over it, breathing into it and carrying it around with me basically everywhere right now. My homeopath and hypnotherapist friend Anne Marshall said I had created my very own multi-dimensional essence!
I’m really looking forward to my next session with Stacy and to sharing the journey and results with you!
Love and blessings,
Kimberley ♥
KIMBERLEY JONES
Energy Tools & Soul Skills…for an awakening world!
www.e-wakening.com
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
CONTACT:
Stacy Vajta - Expanded Pathways
www.expandedpathways.com
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
♥ SHARING IS CARING: Please rate it, like it and share it! Thank you ♥
Hi Kimberley, Thanks for sending me the email to this link. You know from my questions I have neen feeling as though I am a spiritual failure. After pondering your words I wrote this:
“I AM as I AM
Right NOW in this moment, I AM where I am meant to be, doing what I AM doing and as I AM. It can be no other way because this IS how it is.
The only time this moment is not perfect is when I am disconnected from this moment. When my head is telling me I should be somewhere else, doing something else and being somehow different or changed. This is impossible because I can only be as I AM, where I AM, doing what I AM doing, right now. When I accept this reality the moment becomes perfect right where I AM now, doing what I AM doing now and as I AM now.
In this moment, and each successive moment, I can choose a different action, move in a different direction or take a different path but there really is no end to the path. There is no one place I can stop and say I have arrived. This is not the way of the Universe or the way we live our lives. Nothing is static, nothing stops moving, nothing stops changing. It is a process, a flow of Energy. Energy never ceases to be Energy. I AM Energy and in this moment, right now, I AM the moment and I AM PERFECT regardless of what I AM doing or where on that path I AM.”
Looking foprward to my reading!
Love Sharon
Woo Hoo! Sharon, yes that’s it!! I am so happy you have had this download, it’s such an important one. What you describe is how it feels when you are really present with energy gathered and grounded in your body and in the IS-ness of the NOW! I celebrate this moment with you.
K ♥
Hi Sharon – It made me feel really good to read this. Most especially, “When I accept this reality the moment becomes perfect right where I AM now, doing what I AM doing now and as I AM now.” This realization allows me to step out of my own cluttered, and noisey mind. Thanks so much for sharing. Your words were a wonderful way to kick off my day!
I am writing to tell you how extremely moved I was by your heartfelt and courageous blog post, “The Art of Falling Apart”. Kimberley, I admire your work so much–you are a wonderful teacher–and my heart thanks you for writing and sharing such an honest, inspiring piece–and to remind me to GROUND!
Thanks so much Eleyne-Mari!
K ♥
This was important for me to read. It’s honest and so well expressed. Thank you Kimberly. I send you love.
Thank you Elaine
K ♥
Lovely article as always Kimberley!
On the first section – I totally agree that the culture has not yet accepted that we are all here learning and growing and that having physical symptoms is not a sign that we are failing! Physical illness can be a sign that our body is trying to tell us to go another way, it can also be a way to get learn something we couldn’t learn another way (so we’re perfectly on track), or it could be so that we can help others in some way – being dependent on others could be helpful to them if that’s something they are here to learn. So many possible reasons……. and yet we are often quick to assume it’s the first reason and don’t look past it. Thank you for the reminder!
On the second section – what a BEAUTIFUL creation! It gave me tingles and drew me in to the centre as though pulling me through a doorway. So much energy there! Thank you so much for sharing! If you ever sell postcards or prints of it let me know!
Thanks so much Natasha,
I am so happy you enjoyed my energy sketch! I will keep you posted on the evolution of my artwork. I feel I will revisit my art path some time soon and revamp my art website and start selling prints again online. You and the LF will be among the first to know for sure.
Much love,
K ♥
Hello, Kimberley,
Your description reminds me of a period i went through some time ago, with symptoms throughout the body: teeth, kidneys, migrane, joints, muscles, nerves, fatigue to the point of falling asleep and unable to keep my eyes open while knowing in fact i was wide awake. The first few days (starting with fatigue and muscle pains) I thought I had caught a strange flu, but then it stopped, was replaced for a few hours by a toothache which gave way to a throbbing kidney. At that point I mentioned to a friend: “It feels like my body is doing a self-check” – and saw the imaginary AHA-light bulb flashing happily The following days I simply observed (with a curiousity close to having fun) what else my body was going coming up with, and after two weeks the whole spook was over. Only very recently I began to understand what this past episode was about.
Have you considered the possibility that all this pain, and all your heightened perception and sensitivity is a ruse of your body to make you believe in it? That BECAUSE you strive for spirituality your body is making a “last-ditch effort” to keep you tied to itself, to the material side? Could it be that grounding is in fact a trap when all that is necessary now is to let go?
I wish you that you can find your own answer to these questions – or the questions which are more appropriate for you than mine are. Feel blessed
Thank you so much for your loving insights.
It IS a ruse by my body, you are right, but rather to remind me it is there and very much needs to be included in my process of embodying the light. I am following my inner guidance and wisdom and listening to what it says.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia back in 2000 (it’s all energy, that’s just a label as I mention above) so went through a similar process back then which for me was about completing an unfinished part of my incarnation, healing and reconnecting with my body, integrating a huge light influx and learning how to listen to and love my body. I had just been through 11 years of trauma and sudden awakening as a result and my body needed time to recover and integrate that awakening.
This phase I feel is a deeper yet more refined version of that learning and growth. A deeper chance for embodying the light and including my body in the journey even more, rather than letting it go or dropping my body to ascend, as so many others are committed to.
I am ‘top-downer’ so my journey is about embodiment. It is for me about descension before ascension. Others are evolving in the other direction so for them it is about releasing the physical. Both journeys equally valid of course.
Thanks again for your helpful insights.
Much love,
K ♥
Thank you for this. I experienced my spiritual awakening 2 1/2 years ago and since then had the worse nervous breakdown of my life which happened a year ago- a self destructive downward spiral of of the worst emotional pain I have ever experienced, resulting in a relapse in 6 years of sobriety and a losing what I perceived as “everything” (Which I know now was not true). I have learned so much from it and now have 6 months of new sobriety and feel like I’m back on track spiritually, way ahead of where I was before my breakdown. But even now I have days of lethargic, paralyzing energy drain and it is so difficult to feel positive and move forward. I have learned to be patient and meditate and have found new tools. It can be very frustrating, though. I know what I have is a gift and that I will understand much more very soon. Patience and self love is the key for me, plus love for everything and everyone, as hard as it can be at times. Trudging forward, having faith for what lies ahead and knowing I am not alone! I am so glad I have found your helpful words! Just learned about Earthing a few days ago which I have been enjoying!
Bless you Brandie. Many thanks for sharing your journey so openly. You are a courageous soul and I will be in touch soon. Sounds like you are doing the very best you can. Keep going.
Much love,
K ♥